Joke #1863

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
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has 79.54 % from 738 votes. More jokes about: life

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There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
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has 25.91 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life, mother in law
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself.... Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
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has 53.93 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: age, life, sex
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" Watson yawns and tries to play the game. LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
The man pulled over to the side of the road when he saw the police lights in his rear view mirror. “How long have you been riding around without a tail light?” asked the officer. “Oh, no!” screamed the man, jumping out of the car. “Calm down, it isn’t that serious.” said the officer. “Wait’ll my family finds out.” “Where’s your family?” “They’re in the trailer that was hitched to the car!”
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has 74.73 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: life
Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
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has 79.21 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
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has 44.67 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: life
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.11 % from 376 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex