Joke #1863

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

My dick is too long and it causes some problems for me. On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an erection so that the shadow of my penis was reflected on the screen. Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"

The fastest dialog in the world: (WC door is opening) Man inside: Heyyy! Man outside: Sorryyy!

Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system

Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" "I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

If you have a grief nobody feels, If you have a pain nobody feels. If your heart is broken nobody feels, but if you fart all will understand.

Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!

You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.

Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.

Q: What does the baker have under his apron? A: Dough nuts.