Joke #4738

Is everything expensive or I'm just poor?

Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."

Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.

Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop." The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on." The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then pisses everywhere all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of booze, and all over the bartender. The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up. The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too. "What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!" "Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad you would laugh hysterically about it!"

When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.

Last year I told the kids there was no Father Christmas, this year I’m telling the wife.

This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.

Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".

Chuck Norris can pick "side" when flipping a coin.

Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!" Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."

Why does ET have such big eyes? He saw the phone bill.