A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
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Which rabbits were famous bank robbers?
Bunny and Clyde.
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks.
She looked down, then got run over by the train!
One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?
A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Vote:
If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The mountain lion.
You can always shoot the bull.
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Vote:
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.