Joke #4751

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Vote:
has 82.48 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
Vote:
has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, school
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Vote:
has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Vote:
has 79.37 % from 151 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
Q: Why did the elephant paint himself diffrent colours? A: So he could hide in the crayon box!
Vote:
has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
Q: Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? A: Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say: "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Vote:
has 83.75 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, music
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!
Vote:
has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, music
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?" Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
Vote:
has 47.49 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, racist, teacher
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse.
Vote:
has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal