Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country.
O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer.
They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside.
He is gone for a long time.
When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses."
"Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks.
The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A hole-y Cow.
Q: What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A: A civil serpent.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake.
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
What do you get from a short-legged cow?
Dragon milk.
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?
A reindeer
Good, now name another.
Another reindeer!