Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
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Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.
Did you hear about the snobby cow?
She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
Which rabbits were famous bank robbers?
Bunny and Clyde.
Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay?
A: In the bridle suite.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
What kind of car does a rabbit drive?
A furrari.
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before.
"It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted.
Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag.
"Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter.
"All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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