Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
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The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’
Boy: ‘I’m not.
I’m just holding it.
It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
What fur do we get from a tiger?
As fur as possible!
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda?
A berry bubbly bunny.
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed,
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."