Joke #10831

Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!
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Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
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A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore. "Do you have any idea why?" "Well, I had sex with an elephant!" "You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!" "Yeah, but he fingered me first."
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How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
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Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.
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Q. How does a frog confuse you? A. When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
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You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
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What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!
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Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
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In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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