Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
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What's green green green green green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
You would think that taking off a snail's shell would make it move faster, but it actually just makes it more sluggish.
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