Joke #4793

This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight. She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?" The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!" She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?" The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Vote: has 85.86 % from 823 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, marriage, single, wife, women
While walking along a beach, a man finds a lamp and rubs it off. A genie appears and offers to grant the man one wish. The man replys, "What about three?" The genie retorts " Look pal, I'm in a hurry, I've been cooped up in that damn lamp for. . ." "OK, alright" the guy responds. "Tell you what, I'm tired of paying for airplane tickets to Hawaii. I'd like you to build a bridge from California to Hawaii." This pisses the genie off. He screams, "Hey, this isn't the movies. Your wish has to be practical." "Do you know the engineering it would take to design that, the materials it would take, you'd have to compensate for plate techtonics, the continental shelf. . ." "Geez" the guy responds, "Well, I'd really like to understand women." The genie responds "Did you want two lanes or four?"
Vote: has 74.94 % from 790 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, genie, sex, women
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
Vote: has 24.15 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dating, kids, men, women
Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Vote: has 85.13 % from 775 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, weather, women
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: health, insulting, medical, women
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, god, women
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Vote: has 34.25 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice!
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
Vote: has 35.73 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cat, fart, women
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dating, hunting, men, women