Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom?
One you go in the other you come in!
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Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Because they can.
Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Same reason.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
A dick has a sad life.
His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom."
One day her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door.
He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away."
She says: "What about the good in bed part?"
He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it.
Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
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Once upon a time, there was a king who thought that his officers were going to try to have sex with his queen.
So he made all of his officers put on tight pants and told them that if anyone got a boner their head would be chopped off.
So he lined them up and the queen came to the first one and took off her gown.
He got a boner, so that was the end of him.
Then she came to the next one and took off her gown, he got a boner and that was the end of him.
This went on until she came to the last one and took off gown, then her underthings and he didn't get a boner.
So she took off his clothes and started rolling on the floor with him, half an hour went by, then an hour, finally after two hours the king came in to see what was happening and as soon as the king came in the guy got a boner.
A lecturer who was drunk walked in a class.
Ater few minutes he wanted to urinate, he ran out and open a zip slowly, so that he may urinate.
After urinating, that's when he realized that the zip he opened was for a jacket.
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man.
But hell does that burn!
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called?
A: A Cock in the mouth!
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