Joke #5385

Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "firetruck"! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.

I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."

A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems. This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy. There is only one side effect. That diet causes he blows many farts daily!

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically,so he asked his dad. His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000." He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes". "Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question." He did and came back and said, "She said yes." And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing." He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!" And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"

A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest. The young boy says, "I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?! I have to walk out of here alone!"

Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.

Girl: Hey wanna know what gets my pussy wet? Boy: what? ;) Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"

Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.