My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."
"No, just your daughter's head," I replied.
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A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?"
"Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"
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One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a cunt.
Rudolph the well hung reindeer,
Had a great enormous cock,
All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock,
All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small,
Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all,
Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong...
Fuck my arsehole all night long!"
Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say,
"Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.