Joke #4824

Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.
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A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Vote: has 66.75 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
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The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
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A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches. "Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams. "It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam. "No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches." "Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all. In fact, he heard no sounds at all. Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out. "Talk to me, baby." "Moo."
Vote: has 73.90 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
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A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application. "Do you have references?" she asked. The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"
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You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
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More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, life, sex
Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard by choice, even the jaws of life can't cut it.
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A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She’s gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say...
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I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
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More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, music
Man returning with his wife from guests. Drunk man drives car better than his sober wife. But there is only one problem, how to explain that to the policeman?
Vote: has 24.15 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
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Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff's arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Mike?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff. "It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it... and the blonde doesn't."
Vote: has 76.41 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, car, death, heaven, life