Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
2 boys searching for their lost girlfriends: 1st: How your girlfriend look like? 2nd: 5'6, hot, sexy, blue eyes... what about yours? 1st: Forget about mine.. lets search for yours.
Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."