What kind of rings do men need for marriage?
Engagement Ring
Wedding Ring
Suffe-Ring
Endu-Ring
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It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’
Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
3 Stages of Sex:
1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room.
2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom.
3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared.
He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.
When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!"
The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
What is the difference between marriage and death?
Dead people are free.