Joke #4560

Girl to fiancé: ‘When we’re married I want to share all your troubles and worries.’ Fiancé: ‘But I don’t have any troubles and worries.’ Girl: ‘I know, but we’re not married yet.’
Vote:
has 85.34 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
Vote:
has 57.65 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: husband, kids, marriage, sex
They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
Vote:
has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
Vote:
has 76.23 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: computer, food, IT, marriage, romantic
I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard. I'm talking day-in and day-out just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it's all over, he showers and goes to his job.
Vote:
has 39.64 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: marriage, work
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the Lottery!’ Martha shouts back, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man replies, ‘I don’t care, just as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’
Vote:
has 83.29 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."
Vote:
has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: gay, geography, marriage, money
Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision? A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.
Vote:
has 51.86 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: divorce, marriage
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
Vote:
has 85.43 % from 1600 votes. More jokes about: dad, god, kids, marriage, wife
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
Vote:
has 53.84 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: business, health, husband, marriage, wife