A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.
The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."
She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."
The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference."
She says, "You tell him.
He's the one shaving you."
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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house.
So I did - the middle one.
A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, "We have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets; Bell 2 rings, we slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we're on the trucks. From now on, we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make passionate love."
The next night, the fireman comes home from work and yells, "Bell 1!" His wife takes off her clothes.
"Bell 2," and his wife jumps into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to make love.
After two minutes, his wife yells, "Bell 4!"
"What's Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replies, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope!
I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."
His wife said, 'Thank you.'
Phone talk:
"Is your boss there?"
"No, he left on a trip."
"A recovery trip, huh?"
"I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
A man comes home from work early to find his blonde wife in bed with three men.
Completely shocked, he shouts, "Hello, Hello, Hello!"
The blonde whines, "What? No hello for me?"
My wife has given me a reason to live – revenge.
Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife: Because I married the wrong man!