Joke #4885

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.

Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.

My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.

Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.

A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money." The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?" The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room. When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him. He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her. Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears. He freaked, "omg she's sick." He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"