Joke #4885

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
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A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
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What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
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What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
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