Joke #4885

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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A guy walks in the local whorehouse, says "I want the cheapest one you got, I don't have much money." The guy behind the counter says "How bout the $1.95 cent special?" The customer says "ok", and he paid, headed to the room. When he opened the door, he found this beautiful broad spread out, just waiting for him. He rips off his clothes and starts going to town on her. Suddenly, all this white stuff starts coming out of her mouth, nose, ears. He freaked, "omg she's sick." He ran to the desk and told the guy what was happe ning, and the guy says "hey Joe! The dead one's full again!"
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More jokes about: black humor, customer service, dirty, disgusting, money
While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
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Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...
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What's red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue
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What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
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What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.
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What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.
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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
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Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
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How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
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More jokes about: black humor