Joke #4885

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
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A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
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"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
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"I want a divorce"! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."
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More jokes about: black humor, church, death, divorce, wedding
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
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How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
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More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ? A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
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More jokes about: black humor, car, travel