I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other? A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for raping his sister.
Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.