Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
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Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one.
Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one?
I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
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Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
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Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
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Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window?
A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
What is a buttress?
A female goat.
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."