A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street.
When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
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Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
Did you hear about the snobby cow?
She thought she was a cutlet above the rest.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man?
A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
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What dog can jump higher than a building?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
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Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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