A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street.
When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him.
When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog.
A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes.
He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?"
The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
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A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull."
The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on.
"If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick."
The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?"
The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So he can make you curious.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
A milkshake.
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
Never mind, it stinks.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
What game do little cows like to play?
Moonopoly.
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert?
A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
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