A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear.
Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence. After a while he asks surprised: Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs? Because I used only one leg for the stock.
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? A: Charged With Battery.
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside? A: An elephant in a plastic bag.
Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls. The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.
What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!