What is a bunny's favorite music? Hip-hop.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. CHING CHANG CHONG TING.
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)