What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
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"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork?
One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee.
The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is.
He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times.
It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night.
So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost.
His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"
Our baby looks just like me.
But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'
Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?"
Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white."
Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit.
When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram.
However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.
A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies,
"Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
John: How old are you?
Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7
John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.