Joke #4911

What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
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Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the opera. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly "we’re going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper The edmonton sun, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
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How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
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In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.
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A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship. His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!" One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!"
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How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
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What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer. What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.
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Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
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I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
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Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
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