What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears.
He had real bears.
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Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road.
He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen.
Damn, that is one ugly child!."
As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears.
Just then, a mailman came to her rescue.
"What's the matter, madam?" he asked.
"I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed.
"There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket.
"Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!
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A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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