Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.