What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
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What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage.
The penguin asks, "How long will it be?"
The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes."
So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street.
When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage.
With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?"
The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit.
“Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down.
“But when will I meet her?”
“Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
Vote:
Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion?
Answer - neither, Chuck Norris would beat them both with a single round-house-kick.
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