What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
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Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
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Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree.
Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them:
Who pulled out this tree from his root?
Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey.
He chews bees...
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I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke."
Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?"
Me: "John"
Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have."
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?"
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?"
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?"
Me: "I don't know? A lot?"
Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:Because they can.
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
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How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
It was won by a hare.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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A guy walks into a quiet bar carrying three ducks-one in each hand and one under his left arm.
He places them on the bar, has a few drinks, and chats with the bartender.
The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
He and the guy chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom.
Now, the bartender is alone with the ducks.
After an awkward silence, he decides to try to make conversation.
"What's your name?"
he says to one of the ducks.
"Huey," answers the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great.
Lovely day.
Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day."
"Oh, that's nice," says the bartender.
Then he says to the second duck, "And what's your name?".
"Dewey," comes the answer.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball.
Been in and out of puddles all day.
If I had the chance, I would do it all again."
So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie."
"No," growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my day."