A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college.
The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a whorehouse.
He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a girl.
She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive.
After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde prostitute comes in.
The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window.
The girl thinks this is odd behavior, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress.
As she strips, the farmboy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window.
Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hooker, she figures it's a fetish and continues disrobing.
The girl removes her panties, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window.
The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn't heard of, finally asks, "What the hell are you doing?"
The farm boy replies, "Ah ain't never been with no woman before but, if it's anythin' like fuckin' sheep, we gonna need all the room we can git."
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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's okay," said the young man.
"We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."
Husband: "When I die, I'd like to die making love."
Wife: "At least we know it'll be quick!"
Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.
Did I tell you the joke about my dick?
Never mind its too long.
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.
The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long.
He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?"
"No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
Q: How big are the pastro's beds?
A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.