Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."
Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"
What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows.
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.
What is a cow's favourite TV show? Dr Moo.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news". "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share." He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"