Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."
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Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message.
‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’
The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words.
You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’
‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?"
A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."
Vote:
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Vote:
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
Vote:
That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet.
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.