A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
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Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Air traffic controller:
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?"
Mexicans cross the border 1...2...and 4 at one time, never 3. why?
Because the sign says - no tres passing.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons.
Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
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Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide?
He didn't even leave a note.
A man was drowning and asked God to help him.
A boat came by wanting to help the man.
The man refused and said that God would save him.
The man drowned and went to heaven.
He asked God why didn't you save me. God responded, "I sent a boat to get you and you did not get on."
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed.
The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.
He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"
Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.