Joke #4938

A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life

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What do you find in a clean nose? Fingerprints!
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life
A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman. "Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?" "No," says the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
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has 71.85 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, Fathers day, life
When God created the donkey, he said:"You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage. You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ. You’ll be living for 50 years." "But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30." And so it happened. Then, God created the dog:"As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years." "Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please." And so it happened. Then, God created the monkey:" You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years." "No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live." And so it happened. Last, God created the Man:"You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years." "But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal. I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years." And so it happen. Since then men lives for 20 years as a man. Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day. He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs. And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey. He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!
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has 67.52 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, men
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
Life is like a definite integral. Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, love, math, nerd
J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music, Thanksgiving
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
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has 71.44 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: family, life, work
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life