Joke #5979

What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician? A Labracadabrador!
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: life

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Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
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A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
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Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: food, life
A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong. He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh. The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You f**king bitch, you ruined my life.'"
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has 75.03 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: life, men, wife, women
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" "I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
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has 83.51 % from 239 votes. More jokes about: death, life, time
I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. And before I broke in, I used to stand outside and case the joint. Finally, I said, "Damn, this brother will never come home!"
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has 76.91 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
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has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, life, wife
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout." "Why's that?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."
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has 85.00 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: life
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
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has 58.86 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, IT, life
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, music