Joke #5979

What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician? A Labracadabrador!

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.

Where are you going for vacation this year? I checked my budget and decided that I didn't get tired.

Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...

Recently, I've been using the Bible for support. I've got a wobbly coffee table.

The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE." Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE! This brings to mind the following illustration... Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately." He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..." "Change, now get on with it!" And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!

Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."

Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."