Joke #4950

A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.” He replies, “What did your dentist say?”

A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vagina and asks: "what the hell is this". "It is called a cave" replied the mother. The next day he washed with his father and saw his dick and asks "what the heck is this". "This is called little Johnny". The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song. He started to sing "when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."

Do you work at a cattery? Because I wanna be covered in pussy.

What’s the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.

Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"

What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.

So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."