An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
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A man brings his cat to a veterinarian.
He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed.
He asks the veterinarian:
Is my cat still alive?
Still not...
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
Vote:
I had to get rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.
A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?”
Most of the hands go up.
“And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?”
About half the hands stay up.
“Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?”
Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd.
“Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?”
One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks.
“Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?”
The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”
What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?
Squid pro quo.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.