TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.
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Your mama so old she sat next to Moses in the second grade.
A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
Five friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there.
They had a great time.
However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to College until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to an Old age home in the nearest town to spend some time with aged people for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time.
As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points.
It was the easiest question in their entire syllabus.
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room.
"This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?
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So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.
One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."
She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties.
After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess.
"Blue."
"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.
"Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out.
When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
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Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?"
He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match."
But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?"
He answered, "Because there was extra time."