Q: How do you blind a woman? A: You put a windshield in front of her.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. "I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her. She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. "I've never been fucked before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow? A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
Q: How do you be pro in clash royale? A: Use rocket and rage spell ladies.
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Question: What’s the difference between your wife and your job? Answer: After five years, your job still sucks.