Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, "Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, "Breast fed." The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts. He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both breasts for a while ... "No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk." Woman replies, "I know, Im his granny ... but Im glad I came!"
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Q: Why do some women look at blank paper? A: They like to read their rights.
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."