Joke #2735

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: women

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
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has 69.79 % from 698 votes. More jokes about: car, god, marriage, money, women
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
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has 84.55 % from 829 votes. More jokes about: animal, wife, women
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?” She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
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has 80.54 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, dog, women
Q: Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? A: So they don't whistle on the way down.
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: women
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, men, political, women
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
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has 61.14 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: sex, women
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, men, women
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 67.50 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, divorce, marriage, wife, women
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food. The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food. Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!
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has 54.45 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: women