Joke #5034

A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future: Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!

I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.

Q: Why do female skydivers wear jock straps? A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.

Q: Why do women have arms? A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?

What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.