Josh: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning? John: A visitor.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
A woman is driving for 1st time on the highway. Her husband calls says: "Be careful love, It's just been on the radio, that someone is driving opposite to the traffic on the highway.." She replies: "Someone...? These rascals are in hundreds!"
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
In "I Am Legend", Will Smith survived alone for years. 24 hours after a woman shows up, he dies. AND that girl stole his bacon.
Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?” “1956,” was his reply. “No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!” “I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food. The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food. Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!