Josh: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning? John: A visitor.
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?" The clerk says to her, "Just a second." The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!