Josh: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
John: A visitor.
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See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?"
"Yeah, for sure..."
"And then... What are you waiting for...?"
MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED:
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.
This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud,but everyone at the table heard thepouf.
Before she even had a chanceto be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".
A few minutes laterthe woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing!
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Him: "Do you have a flat stomach?"
Me: "Yeah, but the L is silent.
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection?
A: A whopper with cheese.
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
He asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”
“That is right,” said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
“Do you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
“Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer.”
“Correct,” replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing now?”
“Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!”
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.