Joke #5048

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!

Math tells us three of the saddnest love stories: 1)Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever. 2)Parallel lines who were never meant to meet. 3)Asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together.

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."

Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8? Student: Miss horizontally or vertically? Teacher: What do mean? Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.

A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.

What did one math book say to the other math book? "I don't know about you man, but I got a lot of problems!"

Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Father: Go stand in the corner. Son: Why? Father: The corner is 90 degrees.

A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help. Helium doesn't react.

Teacher: "How much is half of 8?" Little Johnny: "Up and down or across?" Teacher: "What do you mean?" Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!"