Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
A:Because you can't drink and derive...
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Math tells us three of the saddnest love stories:
1)Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever.
2)Parallel lines who were never meant to meet.
3)Asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together.
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
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Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.
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Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.
An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."