Joke #5130

Stupid? He wanted to be a farmer. So he studied pharmacy.

I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females." Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.

One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."

How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.

There's 3 army generals and the government decides to pay them any way they want measured. First guy says measure from the tip of my toe to the end of my finger. So they do and its 73 inches so they pay him $730,000. The second guy does the same and gets paid $650,000. The third guy goes measure from the tip of my penis to the back of my balls. They say OK drop your pants, so he does and they measure. "You have no balls" they say. "Yes I do," he replies, "they're still in Vietnam.

What's the biggest difference between men and women ? Men are crabby all month long.

A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!