How are men like diplomas? You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve? A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."
This french guy he wants to learn English. So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off". Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra". Then he goes to the hospital "baby" So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the bra baby).
Ones the bus was full of people. A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins." "That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets." The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"