Joke #11971

Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.

Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.

Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!

Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.

Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.

A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch. Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground? Emile Heskey replied: "Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died

Chuck Norris can play Pokemon Go on his landline.

The name of the anime Soul Eater was actually inspired by one of Chuck Norris' nicknames.

James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'