Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
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Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
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Chuck Norris asked his script writer for more dialogue and the script writer said "Chuck you mean more grunting?"
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Chuck Norris can break air.
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A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies dead.
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Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
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On the ninth day, God said, "Let there be soccer."
And it was good.
Later on that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."
God said, "Let it be called the Manchester United."
Later that day, God said, "Even Man U needs idiots." So HE made their fans.
Three holy men rode a plane home.
There was a terrorist on board who of the firm belief that the world should end.
Who should talk him out of it.
The pilot and his crew gave up and believed the holy men should live.
In the remains was a burnt soccer ball labeled flame retardant.
And a melted black box.
The holy men still live to tell the tale.
And so does the football.