Joke #11971

Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
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has 36.46 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, soccer

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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
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Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
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has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
The only thing written on Chuck Norris' passport is "It's me".
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When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.
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James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
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has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, soccer, sport, wife
During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.
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has 80.50 % from 561 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, soccer
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.
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Chuck Norris made the Beatles cross Abbey Road.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music