What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
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Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
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What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ?
One's composing, the other is decomposing.
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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter"
The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?"
The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
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Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's?
He always burns the franks.
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Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man's turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"
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Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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