Joke #5151

What's red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue
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How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
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Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
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Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire? Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
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A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"
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Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
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