Joke #5157

How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
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Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
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Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
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The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father." The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed" At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house. A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."
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W: Where did Lucy go during the bombing? A: Everywhere.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!
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How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
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A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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I love blacks. It's a pitty they are not being traded anymore...
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