How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
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My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
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Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty five-year-olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them!
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
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How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it’s head.
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Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?"
Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation."
Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
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Q: What do you call a flying Jew?
A: Ashes.
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Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
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