My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool.
I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..."
"That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
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Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
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Q: What do you call a 100 lack people in the ocean?
A: An oil spill
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One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor:
Help me, please.
I have a knife in my back.
The doctor, looking his watch says:
Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you.
Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8.
But tomorrow morning I will be dead.
You must help me now.
The doctor, angrily says:
I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow.
But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead.
Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back.
The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye.
Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50.
The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?"
His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive."
The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
"Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot.
The couple climbs in the helicopter.
The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter.
The couple never made a sound.
The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides."
The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."
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A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
Two more bullets.
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What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.
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Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
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