How many dead babies can fit in a barrel? 4 1/2.
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield? His Butt!
What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door. He said, "Can I see your ticket please?" "Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a shit!" He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?" "No problem," I said, sliding it under. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.