Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
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Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
Ignorance can be educated.
Crazy can be medicated.
But there is no cure for stupidity...
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted
to him and during her questions about his life she asked him
how he managed for sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a
hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll
show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes,
laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she
said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her
an almighty kick, right in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
Two husbands were discussing their married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.
Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you...
This is life of a dog.
Jenna, Jessica and ariana die.
They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud".
The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy.
Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?".
Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy.
Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?".
Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall.
Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?"
The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
Life is like a box of chocolate.
It doesn't last long for fat people.