Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
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A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate.
So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives:
moving back in with your parents.
Vote:
Chuck Norris lives on The Road Not Taken.
Vote:
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P.
Now he down with No P.P.
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
Coworker: Can you help me with this project?
Me: The short answer is no.
Coworker: What's the long answer?
Me: Nooooooo.
"Hey what's up?"
"Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide."
"How the hell do you do that?!"
"Breathing... Dude."