Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
Similar jokes
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There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
What did the potato chip say to the battery?
If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself....
Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father.
He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat?
And they look at you and say they don't know.
And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know.
I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
Pawn Stars:
Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?"
Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity.
You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table.
To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer.
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."