TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?!"
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!"
"That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!" the guy replied.
"I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"
Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
Life is like a box of chocolates:
A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman."
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love."
He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him.
"I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?"
The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."
Q: What's the distinction between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you dispose of the entire prick.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
I really thought you already knew it.
Chuck Norris lives on The Road Not Taken.
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