My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
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Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts.
"But how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks.
"That’s simple." he says, "Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day."
"And that would do it?" the surprised wife wonders.
"Well," answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!"
Two men are discussing their lives.
One says, "I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear."
The other one says, "I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
He never got married.
He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”
His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased.
Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!"
I replied, "That's 15 love!"
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful.
Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realises the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to?”
“You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”
The man lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”