An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
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As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home.
Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions.
Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama."
Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!"
Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!"
Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!"
Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God!
What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.
The wife, amused at first, chuckles.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.
"Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!"
She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!"
The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!
While inspecting their honeymoon suite, the bride discovers a little box attached to the bed.
"What's this for?" she asks her husband.
"If you put a quarter in," he says, reaching into his pocket, "the bed starts vibrating."
"Save your money," she says. "When you're a quarter in, I start vibrating."
A husband and wife are having financial troubles.
They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash.
The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later.
She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !"
"What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks.
"All of them!"
A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.
One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband.
It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."
He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.