An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Little Mary is at her first wedding. When it’s over, she asks her mother, ‘Why did the lady change her mind?’ ‘What do you mean?’ asks mother. ‘Well,’ replies Mary. ‘She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.’
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.