Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: Because you can see right through them!
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I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me.
I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
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Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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This is Captain Sinclair speaking.
On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.
We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.
If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!
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Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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I love blacks. It's a pitty they are not being traded anymore...
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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
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Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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