What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', and is hairy on the outside and moist on the inside? Coconut.... What were you thinking?
Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom? One you go in the other you come in!
What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursElf.
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!
Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed: What’s up? What’s up?, - some man asks. Dentist: Who are you? I’m Monica’s husband Dentist: Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
A Yankee from Chicago and a Texan were talking. The Yankee said, "sex is so easy where I'm from we just walk up and stick it in." The Texan said, "where I'm from we stick it in and walk up."
This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm. He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow. The man said I've got just what you need. Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an ass. He said when this ass stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again. The northern man thanks him and heads on his way. He comes up to a man seeking chickens. He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen. The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens. We call them a cock and a pullet. The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way. He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road. He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going. Just then a lady is walking by. So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass."
Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!