What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving?
They both fell off the motorcycle.
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Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
how come blondes don't wear tampons?
so their crabs don't go bungie jumping.
Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says.
‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’
A husband and wife decide they need to spice up their sex life.
The wife buys a pair of crotchless underwear, puts them on, and goes into the bedroom.
She seductively asks her husband,
"Hey Big Boy, do ya want some of this?"
The husband takes one look at her underwear and replies,
"Hell no! Look what that thing does to underwear!"
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
the son asks.
“Yes.
You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs.
When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble".
When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.