A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.
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A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.
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Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick, "What school?"
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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
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What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.
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Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window.
If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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