What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.
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Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once?
A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.
A: How do children in Baghdad do?
A: Bombastically.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!"
Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people."
First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
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Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
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There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
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Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
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Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
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Q: Why did hitter kill himself?
A: Because he could not pay the gas bill.
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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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