What happens if you upset a cannibal? You get into hot water.
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."
Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
I just ended a long-term relationship today. I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump. The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!" As scared as they are, they all make it out the door. The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand. Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.