What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.
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Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned.
The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.
Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad.
You better roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thinks this is strange.
Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician.
"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
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What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
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A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.
As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
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If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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Awwww, kids. They blow up so fast...
Get it, kids grow up so fast.
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A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Me: "Here comes the airplane!"
Baby: Opens mouth.
Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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